Coach The Person: The Science of Transformational Conversations | Marcia Reynolds | Episode 456

Most coaches think they're having conversations with their athletes. Marcia Reynolds says they're mostly just talking.

In this episode, JP Nerbun sits down with Marcia Reynolds — executive coach, neuroscience researcher, and author of Coach the Person, Not the Problem — to unpack the science of what makes a coaching conversation actually transformational. Marcia explains why telling athletes what to do almost never leads to lasting change, breaks down the critical difference between coaching and mentoring, and shares a three-step pre-conversation practice that changes how you show up before a single word is spoken.

If you coach athletes, lead a staff, or are navigating a difficult conversation at home — this one is for you.

Chapters

(02:11) Intro

(03:56) Marcia's journey to coaching

(06:26) Why telling people doesn't work

(09:41) Coaching vs. mentoring

(12:26) Coach the person, not the problem

(18:41) The worst assumption a coach can make

(21:11) Three steps before every conversation

(26:11) Building the daily practice

(29:11) Presence as the foundation

(35:41) Reflective inquiry over questions

(40:11) What coaching gives back to the coach

TOC 3-2-1

3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 ResourceYour fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas.

"You have not lived their life. You can't stand in someone's shoes. That's not possible. Coach slowly. Try to see what they see through their eyes. Don't assume you know."— Marcia Reynolds

"Information doesn't change behavior. When I work with the creative center of the brain, when I'm reflecting what they're saying, so they listen to themselves and go, I said that, I believe that... that's when insights emerge."— Marcia Reynolds

"We make coaching way too hard. When all I'm doing is relaxing into this conversation — just having a conversation with you, listening to what you're saying, offering back what I think you said that seems most important."— Marcia Reynolds

2 Questions for Your Team

Q1: Before your next coaching conversation with an athlete, write your true intention in one sentence. Are you going in to fix them or to genuinely understand them? What shifts when you lead with honest curiosity?

Q2: Think of a recent moment where you gave an athlete advice that didn't stick. What one question could have opened the door to their own insight instead?

1 Resource to Go Deeper

Coach the Person, Not the Problem by Marcia ReynoldsA practical guide to reflective inquiry — showing coaches how to activate real and lasting change by engaging the athlete's inner world rather than just the presenting behavior.Visit covisioning.com to learn more

Key Takeaways

• Information Alone Does Not Change Behavior
• Coaching and Mentoring Are Not the Same Thing
• Coach the Person, Not the Problem
• Three Things to Set Before Any Coaching Conversation
• Reflective Inquiry Beats Great Questions Every Time
• Self-Awareness Is a Practice You Can Build

Get the notes and tools:tocculture.comJoin TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:tocculture.comBetter Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.