Imperfect Men Can Build Boys Too

Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. 

“I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened” to Greg, encouraged him, and were “genuinely proud” of his accomplishments. They connected with Great — and that, as they say, made all the difference.

Make Room for Less-Than-Perfect Men

Limiting boys’ contact with less-than-ideal role models might be harming our boys — and our men. In this conversation, Greg & Jen explore the surprising ways flawed, imperfect men can shape boys into compassionate, confident adults, as well as how we can encourage supportive connections between boys & men.

Takeaways:

• Surrogate father figures can have a profound impact on young men’s lives.
• Red flags in behavior should be assessed with context, not stigma.
• Accountability from mentors can guide young men towards better choices.
• Community involvement is essential in raising boys to be good men.
• Engaging in a child’s interests can strengthen bonds.
• Many men feel unqualified to mentor young people.
• Our culture often discourages intergenerational connections.
• Being present in a young person’s life can have a significant impact.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Stop Ignoring the Mental Health of Young Men — Greg’s essay

In Praise of Imperfect Men — Building Boys Bulletin post by Jen

What About Less-Than-Ideal Role Models? — Building Boys post by Jen

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