ASK US ANYTHING: When You’re Stretched to Capacity and the Unexpected Is Inevitable

Hello Brave Friends! This is an Ask Us Anything episode in which YOU, the listener, get to write or call in and, you guessed it, ask us anything!

In this Ask Us Anything episode, #266, we’re responding to the question:

“I can speak for a lot of us moms out here. We are stretched to capacity, stretched so thin, and have no margin for anything unexpected. And yet the unexpected is inevitable. Help!”

Jessica Patay, Susanna Peace Lovell, and Dr. Zoe are talking about capacity—what it actually means, how we know when we’ve reached ours, and why caregiving moms so often find themselves living with absolutely nothing left in reserve.

Together, they unpack the difference between capacity and margin: capacity is the limit of what we can handle, while margin is the space we leave between our daily load and that limit. And for caregivers, that margin can disappear quickly. Between parenting, appointments, work, household responsibilities, relationships, advocacy, and the endless mental load, overwhelm can start to feel like the default.

Jessica, Susanna, and Dr. Zoe get honest about the expectations women and mothers place on themselves, people pleasing, overachieving, and the pressure to prove our worth through how much we can accomplish. They challenge the idea that being a loving, devoted caregiver means endlessly sacrificing yourself—and offer the important reminder that your capacity is not a measure of your devotion.

They also share practical ways they’ve learned to protect their own capacity: creating personal rules and boundaries, questioning the things we tell ourselves we “have to” do, being more intentional about our yeses, letting messages wait, and recognizing that not everything on our plates carries the same emotional weight.

Sometimes creating margin means asking yourself a deceptively simple question: Do I actually have to do this?

And yes, setting boundaries can feel scary. People may be disappointed. We may fear judgment or rejection. But the people who truly love and support us can respect our boundaries—and what initially feels frightening may ultimately create freedom.

This conversation is your permission to pause, take inventory of everything you’re carrying, and consider what you might be able to put down.

Keep the vulnerable questions coming. We’re here to support you!

We see you, and we love you.

We are incredibly grateful to Rise Educational Advocacy for sponsoring Season 11 of Brave Together Podcast and for supporting our mission to strengthen and encourage caregiving moms. Find more information about Rise here. 

Find more information about Licensed Psychotherapist, Dr. Zoe here. 

Find Dr. Zoe’s book, Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame here.

Find more information about Life Coach, Susanna Peace Lovell here.

Find Susanna’s book, Your True Self is Enough here.

Find our first book from We Are Brave Together, Becoming Brave Tog