"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help

"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help

"How can they expect me to stay invisible? It's not like I can just stop existing."

An autistic ADHD boy said those words to me in my office. After decades of working with children and teens, it's still one of the most heartbreaking moments I've experienced.

He wanted friends. He wanted to be included. He wanted someone to notice him.

But his classmates called him annoying. And adults told other children to ignore him because he was "just doing it for attention."

What if the behavior we're calling attention-seeking is actually a child desperately trying to connect?

And what happens to an autistic or ADHD child's self-esteem and mental health when their attempts to connect are repeatedly misunderstood, criticized, or ignored?

In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm challenging one of the most common assumptions adults make about children's behavior—and sharing why it can be especially harmful to autistic and ADHD kids and teens.

I'm also sharing something personal: I've made this assumption myself.

This isn't about blaming parents, teachers, or therapists. It's about recognizing how easily we can misunderstand what a child is communicating—and learning how to respond differently.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Attention-seeking vs. connection-seeking: Why a child's behavior may reflect a need for belonging, friendship, or support.
• The hidden impact of "just ignore them": How this common advice can contribute to social rejection, loneliness, and shame.
• Autism, ADHD, and self-esteem: How repeated criticism and being labeled "annoying" or "too much" can affect a neurodivergent child's sense of self.
• Why social skills need to go both ways: How parents, therapists, and educators can help all children better understand different ways of communicating and connecting.
• The importance of finding their people: Why shared interests can create meaningful opportunities for friendships and belonging.
• Healthy boundaries without rejection: How to teach children to communicate their needs while still treating others with respect.
• Five practical strategies: What to do instead of immediately labeling a child attention-seeking or telling others to ignore them.

One important perspective shift

Instead of asking:

"How do we stop this attention-seeking behavior?"

What if we asked:

"What might this child need, and how can we help?"

That small shift can open the door to understanding, collaboration, and more meaningful support.

Because attention isn't a problem. Attention is a need.

And no child should have to choose between being invisible and being annoying.

Whether you're a parent of an autistic or ADHD child, a therapist, counselor, psychologist, educator, or another professional supporting neurodivergent children and teens, I hope this episode encourages you to look beyond assumptions and become curious about the child in front of you.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with a parent, teacher, therapist, or someone else who supports autistic and ADHD kids. These conversations matter, and we can help change how we understand and support children.

For therapists, counselors, and psychologists

Want to strengthen your neurodiversity-affirming clinical practice?

I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical strategies for supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens.

Explore my continuing education trainings

DOES YOUR CHILD OR CLIENT NEED HELP AT SCHOOL?

You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirmin