The Hidden Power of Giving First The Law of Reciprocity

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Today, I want to dive into the law of reciprocity. For those of you who are new to real estate, welcome! I'm James Festini, your real estate sales trainer and coach, and this is the program designed to help you sell more real estate in less time.

So, the law of reciprocity… I like to think of it as when you consistently provide value to a client, they feel a natural inclination to work with you. It's not about creating a sense of obligation or guilt, where you give expecting an immediate return. That's not reciprocity; that's more like commerce. True reciprocity in this business blossoms when a consumer – and I primarily focus on listings – chooses their next listing agent based on one of two fundamental elements: love and money.

By "love," I mean a genuine connection, a special bond. This could stem from a referral, a relationship with someone they know from church, or even a nephew who just got their real estate license. You might see them choose this connection over a top-producing agent with deep local knowledge and a proven track record, simply because of that existing relationship. It's not necessarily reciprocity in this case; it's the power of a personal connection.

The law of reciprocity works similarly, but it's about intentionally cultivating that "know, like, and trust" factor. You aim to build such a strong sense of value that the consumer naturally chooses you. How many times have we lost a listing appointment to someone else simply because the client had a pre-existing relationship built on trust and familiarity? That's often the missing piece when we don't land the listing.

If you're engaging in consistent lead generation and follow-up, as I advocate, losing some opportunities is inevitable. You'll have a database full of contacts, and if you're making 100 outbound calls a day, you'll encounter homeowners who aren't immediately ready. I typically don't ask, "Are you working with another agent?" Most people volunteer that information. However, when you ask for their email to stay in touch, it subtly initiates a relationship where you'll provide value. The key is to offer enough value so that the law of reciprocity kicks in, making it difficult for them to imagine going with anyone else.

Earlier, I mentioned that consumers often choose based on "love" (relationship) or "money" (perceived higher price). Regarding money, you can sometimes win by promising a higher listing price. For example, on a million-dollar home, if one agent says it's worth that, and you come in and say, "No, it's easily worth $1.2 million," some homeowners, particularly those with ambitious (some might say delusional) expectations of a quick sale and bidding wars, might be swayed. It's fascinating how these impressions form, often based on a fleeting headline aligning with their desire to sell.

This reminds me of the reticular activator in your brain. Once you focus on something, you start seeing it everywhere. If you decide to buy a Tesla truck (which I'm definitely eyeing), suddenly you'll notice them all over the road. It's the same with real estate. As a consumer starts to get to know you and perceives your value, this familiarity grows, influencing their choice.

Now, while you can sometimes win with money, "love" – that strong personal bond – is often more powerful. Think about those agents who somehow land high-end listings despite presenting themselves poorly, maybe with blurry vertical photos taken on an old, cracked iPhone. It's baffling! I sometimes wish we could anonymously tell homeowners, "Hey, those listing photos are ter