208. Improve relationships with this simple tool (bids for connection)

Years ago I learned a simple tool that has improved all my relationships. This tool is about looking for the cues that others are giving us – and using those times to connect. They are called Bids For Connection, a Gottman term. I will outline what bids are, ways to respond, and how to simplify the process. 

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  Key points and related links

• What bids for connection are 
  • Our marriage was struggling, here are 12 things that helped us heal and strengthen it
  • When They Tell Me I’m Lucky to Have Him
  • Why it’s worth paying attention to love languages and expectations in marriage
• Noticing different types of bids for connection in your partner, kids and friends
  • Gottman’s list of type of bids 
• Three responses to bids for connection (turning towards, away, against)
  • Gottman research on bids and relationship success
• Applying bids for connection to parenting 
• Recognizing your own bids for connection, and unmet needs
• Benefits of responding to bids for connection with empathy
  • 85. When empathy is hard in marriage and friendships
  • 84. How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship
  • 207. Our judgements and assumptions of others (fundamental attribution bias and how it impacts our relationships)
• Starting simple by noticing and responding to bids for connection
  • Using bids to connect through presence, not just problem-solving
  • 16. When did I stop enjoying my kids? Knowing your vision and values. The best waffles ever.
  • 203. Being a mom who enjoys her life

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