787: Are You Abandoning Yourself to Keep Everyone Else Happy? With Hilary Silver

You’re dependable. Capable. Successful. The one everyone calls because they know you’ll handle it. But somewhere along the way, did you learn to leave yourself behind? In this episode, Dr. Mariza sits down with former couples therapist and women’s identity coach Hilary Silver to explore self-abandonment: the subtle ways women silence their needs, overfunction, people-please, carry everyone else’s load, and become whoever they believe they need to be to keep the peace. They unpack why these patterns often begin long before adulthood, how they become intertwined with identity and self-worth, and why simply taking a vacation, delegating, or setting a few boundaries may not create lasting change if the underlying beliefs remain intact. Hilary shares how women can begin questioning the “I have to” and “I should” stories running their lives, consciously choose a different identity, reclaim their time, and stop measuring their worth by how much they can carry. Because midlife may be the moment you finally ask: What do I actually want? HILARY SILVER Hilary Silver is a former couples therapist, coach, and founder of Ready for Love and Ready for More. Her work focuses on helping high-achieving women transform their relationship with themselves, identify the beliefs and patterns driving overfunctioning and self-abandonment, and consciously create a life that reflects who they actually want to become. In this conversation, Hilary brings more than two decades of experience working with women and relationships to a deeper discussion about identity, boundaries, self-worth, and putting yourself back at the center of your own life. IN THIS EPISODE What self-abandonment actually looks like in everyday life Why people-pleasing and shape-shifting often begin in childhood How high-achieving women can tie their worth to being indispensable Why boundaries and delegation alone may not change deeply rooted patterns How identity drives overfunctioning, rushing, and constantly carrying the load Why midlife can become a powerful moment for questioning what you’re no longer willing to carry How to challenge beliefs that feel like facts but may simply be old conditioning Why Hilary reframes repetition as devotion rather than discipline The question that can help you start putting yourself back at the center of your life QUOTES “Our beliefs are not fact.” “It’s not vigilance and discipline, it’s devotion.” “Doing nothing is doing something.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Stop surviving and start thriving, join Midlife on Fire Collective now https://drmariza.com/trial Use code ENERGIZED and get 10% off on your MitoQ Order https://www.mitoq.com/energized%C2%A0 Hilary Silver Website https://hilarysilver.com/ Hilary Silver Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1739660144 Hilary Silver Instagram Hilary Silver Facebook Hilary Silver Youtube RELATED EPISODES 777: What We Know Now: The Midlife Lessons No One Taught Us with Jenn Pike 760: The Mindset Shift That Helps You Stop Feeling Stuck with Dr. Rachel Goldman 699: Managing Anxiety and Identity in Midlife + Why You Need Community More Than Supplements with Rosie Acosta 170: Saying NO to People Pleasing and Establishing Effective Boundaries with Amy Smith