Am I Disciplining or Threatening My Child? What Science Says About Verbal Abuse

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I'm back with part two of the conversation sparked by my episode with Georgiana but this time digging into one of the most misunderstood words in parenting: discipline.

Pulling from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson's No-Drama Discipline, I challenge how most of us were taught to think about the word — punishment, stopping a behavior that's annoying us — versus what actually works: discipline as teaching.

I share a moment from my son's soccer practice that stopped me in my tracks: a dad switching to Italian mid-practice to threaten his seven-year-old with "wait until we get home." It's the kind of moment most of us have been in, on one side or the other and I use it to ask a harder question: is that discipline, or something else?

I also walk through a study most parents haven't heard of, showing that verbal abuse — yelling, threats, name-calling, belittling — can impact a child's development as significantly as physical discipline. Lastly, I introduce a simple framework — the aggressive tiger, the passive mouse, and the assertive owl — to help you recognize your own voice in the heat of the moment.

This episode isn't about guilt. It's an invitation to notice, reflect, and start showing your kids what accountability looks like... starting with yourself.

The 3 Reflections I Share

1. Does my child still feel loved when I'm disciplining them (or when I'm angry)?
2. Do I hold myself accountable for my own behavior in moments of discipline?
3. What could my child have said or done differently? — the accountability question, turned outward, once everyone's calm.

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