Ep: 1007 The Relationship Skills, Nobody Taught You Before You Said "I Do" with Michelle Hays

The Relationship Skills Nobody Taught You Before You Said "I Do"

Show notes

You can lead a team, build a business, and handle a crisis before lunch. So why can one conversation at home leave you feeling like you've lost your footing?

On this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell talks with Michelle, founder of Monarch for Love and a Certified Marriage Transformation Coach. Michelle shares the personal transformation behind her business and introduces Love Literacy™, her framework for learning relationship skills many of us missed growing up.

Linda and Michelle explore what recurring arguments can reveal, how to ask for shared effort when you're tired of carrying the emotional work, and what to say when you want to repair a conversation that went sideways. They also talk about the leadership habits that follow us home and what it means to define success in a way that includes the people we love.

In this episode

• How Michelle turned hard-earned relationship lessons into Monarch for Love
• What a fight about phones, chores, or money might be trying to tell you
• How to ask your partner to share the work of improving your relationship
• What to say when you get defensive and want to start the conversation again
• How emotional intelligence shows up in business, marriage, and family life

Connect with Michelle Monarch for Love · Monarch for Love Podcast · Love Literacy™

Connect with Linda Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T. · @sisterhoodofsweat on Instagram

 content type

interview

primary goal

educational

guest name

Michelle Hayes

summary

Linda Mitchell speaks with Michelle Hayes, founder of Monarch for Love and a marriage transformation coach, about practical relationship skills for couples caught in recurring conflict. Hayes explains her love literacy framework, emotional regulation and repair tools, emotional safety, and how to protect connection while balancing business and home life.

 Key Topics

Why couples repeat painful arguments: many people never learned how to express needs, listen through defensiveness, or reconnect. The phone-at-dinner example shows how turning a complaint into a clear request can reduce defensiveness and invite connection. Hayes explains her 3D emotional reset: define the deeper feeling, delay the immediate reaction, and decide how you want to show up. Emotional safety means being able to express feelings without fear of a partner's reaction; listening and validation may matter more than immediate solutions. Couples can agree on fair-fight ground rules before conflict, including no name-calling, taking pauses, and using phrases like "Help me understand." Hayes shares how vulnerability and family-of-origin messages can reveal the meaning behind conflicts about chores and household standards. She distinguishes ordinary communication struggles from frightening or physically intimidating behavior and urges people who feel afraid to seek help. Repair can begin with acknowledging emotional activation and saying, "I would never intentionally hurt you." Hayes describes reserving Friday through Sunday for her marriage and creating smaller moments of connection during the week. For a reconnection conversation, she suggests starting with "I really miss you" and asking curious, non-blaming questions.

Takeaways

We were not taught the skills that we need to navigate our challenges. The answer is curiosity. Invite a request rather than a demand. Define the feeling, delay the reaction, and decide how you're gonna show up. Emotional safety is when you can express yourself to your partner without the fear of their reaction.<