PPP 514 | Never Settling for Less: Why You're Leaving Value on the Table, with Attia Qureshi

Summary

In this episode, Andy sits down with Attia Qureshi, a coach and negotiation expert who is co-author, with John Richardson, of Never Settle. There's no shortage of great negotiation advice out there, yet in real conversations with real stakes and real emotions, that advice often fails to turn into action. This book tackles that gap between insight and habit.

Attia shares why emotions are not a distraction from negotiation but central to it, why getting clear about what you actually want is harder than it sounds, and how we leave value on the table without realizing it. You'll hear practical stories, from resetting a difficult relationship with a glass of lemonade to expanding the pie in a salary negotiation, plus small daily exercises for building resilience to rejection and learning to say no in a way that strengthens relationships rather than damaging them.

If you're looking for practical, doable ways to become a more confident negotiator and influencer, this episode is for you!

Sound Bites

• "You can get more by caring about what the other person needs and building a strong relational foundation."
• "People are not born amazing negotiators. They develop that skill over time, just like people are not born confident."
• "You have to practice that small step out in the real world where the stakes are low and build that skill day after day, month after month."
• "You and I have probably already negotiated half a dozen times today."
• "When someone gives us something, we want to return the favor."
• "New studies now show that 90 to 95% of decision-making comes from unconscious emotional processing."
• "So many of us quit before we even start."
• "But if we do have a goal and we do prepare for the conversation, our likelihood of success is double."
• "A good negotiation doesn't always mean getting 'yes' at the end of it."
• "I always tell my students, people can almost always help you. It depends on if they want to or not."

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction
• 02:06 Start of Interview
• 02:17 Growing Up: Early Lessons in Conflict
• 07:10 Negotiation and Confidence Are Skills, Not Personality
• 08:04 Life Is Full of Everyday Negotiations
• 10:30 Why Negotiation Training Often Fails
• 12:30 Resetting a Difficult Relationship
• 17:20 Influence vs. Manipulation
• 22:33 Emotions, Fear, and Building Resilience
• 28:00 Using the Emotion Wheel
• 29:36 Getting Clear on What You Really Want
• 33:39 Expanding the Pie: Creating Value
• 40:50 The Power of Saying No
• 47:27 Teaching Kids to Negotiate
• 51:23 End of Interview
• 51:55 Andy Comments After the Interview
• 55:22 Outtakes

Learn More

You can learn more about Attia and her work at AttiaQureshi.com.

For more learning on this topic, check out:

• Episode 157 with Dr. Robert Cialdini. Known as the godfather of influence, his name came up several times during today's discussion, making this a great follow-up.
• Episode 412 with Scott Walker. A former Scotland Yard hostage negotiator who shares a lot of practical lessons about influence.
• Episode 385 with Vanessa Patrick. She wrote one of the best books on how to say no, a fitting companion to today's conversation.

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