489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration.

We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship.

In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there.

You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back

Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be.

But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away.

Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you.

Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life.

The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage

Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth.

Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside.

But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives.

Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to.

The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride

This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you.

When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him.

If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility.

Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change

Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit.

Here are some signs of harshness in marriage: