504-When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson

When Your Words Actually Bring Life (And How to Avoid Death): Interview With Ann & Dave Wilson

Do you remember when you first fell in love—how easy it was to cheer him on? You'd light up at his stories. You'd say, "You're amazing!" and mean it. You noticed everything good.

But somewhere along the way, the cheers turned into corrections. The same man who once felt like your hero now feels like your project. And instead of applause, he mostly hears... boo.

That's what Ann Wilson discovered the day her husband, Dave, vulnerably told a room full of women that marriage sometimes felt that way to him—like he'd walked off the football field to a stadium full of boos. Ann was stunned. She thought she was helping him. But in that moment, she realized how her words had chipped away at his confidence and joy.

I was so honored to talk with Dave and Ann Wilson—pastors, marriage speakers, authors of Vertical Marriage, and co-hosts of FamilyLife Today. For more than 30 years, they've led thousands of couples toward hope, healing, and connection. But their story didn't start with success.

The Power of Words in Scripture

Scripture is clear: "The tongue has the power of life and death." — Proverbs 18:21

Your words can resurrect a weary heart—or crush it. They can draw your husband home or make him quietly retreat.

And as Dave and Ann share, the transformation didn't start with more compliments or clever communication—it started with repentance.

A Night of Repentance and New Beginning in Marriage

Ten years into marriage, they were on the verge of losing everything. Dave was busy building ministry– starting a new church at home and a chaplain for the Detroit Lions, often times away traveling with the team. Meanwhile, Ann was at home with two little boys, beginning to feel lonely, angry, and done.

One night, sitting in a parked car late at night on their 10 year anniversary, she finally said, "I've lost all my feelings for you."

Dave was stunned. He thought they were great. Ann had never shared otherwise. How could she say he was disregarding her? How could she say she felt alone and he was always away?

As he reached for his planner to defend himself, the the gentle and firm voice of the Holy Spirit whispered: "Repent."

He dropped his arguments and dropped to his knees—right there in the front seat of their Honda Accord. He realized he had put himself first instead of Jesus.

In that sacred moment, Ann felt conviction too. God showed her that she'd made her husband and marriage an idol and she had been wanting Dave to fill every need, when that was never the role God was supposed to have. She got on her knees as well, surrendering her expectations back to the Lord.

That night became the beginning of something new—a vertical marriage, grounded in repentance and intimacy with Jesus first.

When You Stop Cheering on Your Spouse

Years later, when Ann shared her "booing" moment at church, she used a visual: a plant. She explained that when you're dating, you pick a healthy, vibrant plant—your husband. But after a few years, you s