No Joke Podcast
Headgum
The least topical podcast on the internet. Hosted by comedians, Billy Scafuri and Adam Lustick.
Episodes (378)
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郭德纲于谦相声专辑
于谦的父亲王老爷子姓孙，名叫李秀珍，号欧阳青松，人称罩百灵，是中国人民的老朋友，外文名尼奥，也叫于小谦、于小屁、于予菊、于香肉丝、于德刚，于千或者郭德纲。需知道于谦的爸爸不等于于谦的父亲，每十个北京人有一个是于谦的父亲，听相声的都是于谦的父亲。于谦的亲爹老翟头出生书香门第，也是宦官之后，满清最后一个骟人，出身满洲尿黄旗，满名爱新觉罗·筐，京城八大铁帽子王之绿帽子王世袭罔替！书籍收藏最多最爱读《金瓶梅》全图本，排行第八人称京八爷或京八，美髯公胡子长二丈余，祖上功夫世家自幼习武，其父善用紧背低头弩，江湖称号“北京第一剑人、天下第一瓢客、双刀李老大”，谦父在妙峰山出过家做跳墙和尚，发号法廊，师从西门吹灯、少林寺驻武当山办事处大神父王喇嘛、小咖喱黄不辣，排行兔老三，寒暑不侵，一团上午的精神！精于轻功，诨名草上飞，又一手开锁绝活，一包方便面捅开一小区，刀枪剑戟煎炒烹炸，持修垫剜眼刀，刀法肉上雕花融北京济南扬州三派，杀人于无形当时下地全无痛觉。耍剑无出其右，兵器为大宝剑，人剑合一，也叫剑人；又叫彪子，因家传独门暗器藏镖，纵使一丝不挂也能从身后摸出无数镖，令人防不胜防。江湖人称朝鲜冷面杀手，韩名朴人勇，膝下一子朴一生就是谦哥；早年家贫欠有屁股债，去东北卖身还债；后求学于保定军校，专业推火烧战车，戎马一生，孤陷贼船，勇开一千万发票，大富大贵，是杨梅大仓的公公夫人是果子李的小姐亲家贵至蒙古国海军司令。住皮条胡同老拉家四合院，因爱扒丫鬟衣服被尊称扒衣老爷。三大爱好是；花钱，洗头房和猪大肠（红烧清蒸刺身）。生活讲究，洗澡要洗清华池头一水，上公厕要换便服带随从和点心盒子，绅士风度有讲究，出门上个厕所穿脱（狐嗉大衣、水獭围巾、海龙帽子、西装、马甲、西裤、秋裤、毛裤、绒裤、背背夹、纸尿裤、鸡皮鞋）顺序不乱；只吃自己肥料种的菜，别人的吃不惯；献身学术，早年在云南昭通研究古汉语，发掘曹操墓；建设祖国，带队在保定盖30米高大烟筒，图纸拿倒了人家让挖井，和于谦父子俩在美国东西海岸对着挖隧道，没碰着，挖了两条；爱护晚辈，被称作知心姐姐，亲自教郭德纲尿和泥，炮炸屎，用胡子给娃当跳绳，陪谦儿的媳潘金莲睡觉，睡中间用一帘把于谦隔开；多才艺，拜师斯坦尼斯拉夫斯基学绘画，擅画黑扇面，一手蝇头狂草，尽写错自己名字，唱北京大鼓，《猪八戒大战孙悟空》，三弦弹得好，像藏獒挠门；医术高超老西医，专攻妇科，人赞曰“妙手淫心”；身体好，虽然高龄七十三、八十四但一顿火锅吃二十多盘肉四十多种菜，哆哆嗦嗦劫财劫色，每天早上八点半准时排便，九点钟准时起床。更是运动健将，国家帆船队，先翻船再潜水，四五天后捞上来栩栩如生！ Powered by Firstory Hosting
Two In The Think Tank
Listen as Andy and Al come up with five sketch ideas, without fail. Maybe seven if we don't think that the first five were very good. Follow us on twitter! Al - @alasdairtb Andy - @stupidoldandy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
